ANGER IS AN NATURAL EMOTION

You might be checking out anger as you witness it come up in your life more often these days. Or someone suggested you get help, or you realize it yourself. You might experience anger present in your spouse, your children, in the work place. Maybe a "Road Rage" incident. Or maybe just doing a little research on it, as anger is in the news often these days.

Everyone has anger as it is a natural emotion that all human beings have along with fear, sadness, joy and love. Some research suggests that surprise is also a basic human emotion.

Anger affects millions of people causing problems in people lives. It affects all ages, all races, all religions, all educational levels, all ethnic groups, political folks and non political, in essence everyone. Anger is a basic emotion instilled in us for our physical survival. In enhances our Fight, Flight, and Freeze response.

Fear can lead to the flight reaction while Anger often leads to the aggression fight reaction. Basic instincts kind of stuff.

Anger is not something that can be "cured". It is a basic emotion for all of us. This is why it is not considered an illness and most talk therapy does not work. Anger must be addressed head on for it's distinct aspects. As anger and stress is ever increasing in our busy lives, Professional Anger Management has emerged as the tool to help. Anger can be managed at home, at work, in relationships if you want to make your life better and more fulfilling. Anger has a negative aspect but also can be a positive aspect if used properly. We remember the Bible story of Jesus of Nazareth getting angry with the money changers at the doors of the Temple in Jerusalem.

It can be a positive emotion that is justified. It has to have a measured response that is relevant to the situation. Most people already think ALL their anger is justified... but then why is the ground quicksand and sucking everything in, including you?

Let's take a quick look at emotions to help us understand a bit of some of the underlying feelings.

Researchers ideas on basic emotions vary. A short list of emotions that are of interest:

ORTONY AND TURNER 1990
CHART OF BASIC EMOTIONS BY ORTONY AND TURNER 1990

  Most of our emotions are mixed feelings!

PARROT 2001

CHART OF PRIMARY, SECONDARY, TERTIARY EMOTIONS BY PARROT 2001

 

The chart above outlines three sets of emotions. Primary, secondary and tertiary emotions. You can see that the basic emotions may be composed of underlying feelings or emotions. And often mixed across subsets. Human beings are very complex and how our nervous system is wired for each person. Everyone is different. We know this by observing our children! They are so different yet have the same parents and upbringing.

Anger..... You are not checking this out for love, joy or surprise most likely...

Anger - Appropriate Response

So pay attention to anger, sadness and fear and what other emotions or feelings accompany them. Sound familiar? If you can identify the feeling or emotion you have a better chance at responding appropriately.

You may be a candidate for some study of anger and surrounding feelings to help yourself grow and make your life more productive, more joyful with some hope and surprise added! We all have love... but maybe some need help with that too!

Research shows that it takes about six seconds for emotions to be recognized by the nervous system. In that time period are you reacting to what somewhat has said, an event not to your liking, an injustice just felt, you take things personally and relive an old wound or do you respond to the stimuli in a measured manner that is appropriate to the situation. That is the question! And why you are possibly checking out anger and how to get a grip on it.

Today's world gives ample situations, people, events, ideas, and products to help you exercise your reactions or responses to these things. Start observing your emotions, start asking what is going on here? It is like being Magnum P.I. (Private Investigator). It can be kind of fun!

When anger comes up what is underlying it? Look at the chart. Is it anger or really another feeling? By being able to get to know yourself and what is happening you can begin to better know why you do what you do. You can change. You can grow. You can begin to manage your anger and other basic emotions to realize your dreams. If you have forgotten to dream and have hope then by beginning you are opening the possibility for them.

Anger is how we get use to expressing other feelings. Remember emotions are often a mixed bag. You have just learned it comes up fast...six seconds...and that is why it is so hard to "control". Six seconds to react or with awareness to check yourself, the situation, and then RESPOND with the appropriate measure.

Perhaps you are one of many that feel angry quite often and wonder why?

You might ask: "Why is my reaction to things so intense?" Asking this question is great! You are starting to increase your emotional intelligence! It is very much needed in the world today to help you be the best you can be. We will help you become more aware.

CASE STUDY - MYSELF

In my own case, I was a happy child, very shy and very high on imagination day dreaming all the time playing by myself with my toys or in the sand box. I enjoyed playing with the other children in the neighborhood when I could. I loved climbing trees and starting fires! But as I witnessed in my family, there seemed to be a fair amount of screaming, fighting etc. between four siblings and parents wanting a quiet household. Then a series of life changing events of my own choosing occurred and outbursts of anger became more frequent and the years rolled by.

You see, I as your Anger Management Facilitator and Educator, have been dealing with anger what seems to be my whole life. I am walking the path of wounded healer. To heal myself I had to address the issues at hand and after a while start paying attention to what was and is going on... it is a life long pursuit. Basic emotions are always with us.

When patterns of anger emerge, denial of anger as a negative emotion is harder to forget and pretend that everyone has anger and it is ok. Or really anger is not my problem but someone else's. Often a situation(s) brings it to the forefront of needing to do something about it.

When it affects your life in ways out of your control and now you are facing real possibilities of relationship break-ups, divorce, loosing a job, harming someone, road rage, or going to jail, then it is time to take a break and take in the possibility that it might be a good idea to get professional help and get things back to a way that just plain feels better. Decide to take responsibility for your life and embrace change. To address anger straight on with help and manage it. No one can change you. You have to decide you want to. You have to decide that negative anger is not going to destroy your life.

Guys especially in our society are taught at an early age to stuff the feelings and keep moving... but maybe that is why men die younger than women.. Ever been to an Assisted Living Home recently? Where are the older men? They died. Heart attacks, cancer, etc.

What about women? They are no less strangers to anger than man. They were just taught to 'cry and don't get angry'. Well that only works so long, then it erupts as some of us well know. The anger energy turned inward can produce lots of harmful health issues eventually.

We as a society have not been taught how to process our feelings and let them flow through us. Instead they get 'stuck" inside and make us sick. The health profession offers us pills. Some seek shrinks. Bear in mind Anger Management is a specialty, and in most cases Licensed Practitioner Counselors (LPC), are not trained extensively in anger issues.

Anger has become so wide spread that waves of new research is emerging. Hence the new field of Anger Management and Personal Coaching and the very new Emotional Intelligence fields.

We specialize in Anger And Stress Management. For that is what I know personally. We will help you make it an ally rather than a 'beast' to control in your life. Richard's specialized training is called Certified Anger Management Facilitator [ CAMF ].

Do you experience intense anger often? If yes, then take a chance and help yourself if anger is playing a major role in your weekly life. It does undeniably affect your health in the long run. It affects your relationships at home, at work, in the public. You deserve better. Change is good. The people around you will notice and good things will happen.

I remember having to really watch myself when I went out in public because I could "lose-it" any ole time, especially when I wasn't vigilant in keeping it (anger) repressed. It is a slippery emotion that is is like water, hard to contain. Why live this way?

Call 678-576-1913 or e-mail today for information or surf some more of our information loaded website... we offer individual anger sessions, anger group sessions, onsite anger management seminars, accelerated anger courses, court ordered anger programs.

Help for executives, doctors, attorneys, ' Joe the Plumber', everyday men and women just like me.

© Richard Taylor BS, CAMF 2009-2016

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